QBLesson - Quarterback & Football


QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you about that natural high. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lessons in McKinney in Dallas. How fucking hard is it, the optometrists job at Lens Crafters, to see if Dabo needs glasses or not? Dabo read the fucking letters on the wall. H I G H. As fuck.  His eye lids are permanently sitting in a recliner chair at Nebraska furniture mart. A rep walks by — comfy chair man. I forget I had reclined it all the way back and closed my eyes. And had been sitting there for a solid ten minutes. No I am good. Just checking it out. The nerve of him fucking thinking I was going to buy this fucking chair because I am lounging in it, sprawled out, like I just fucking got home from work. I am not going to randomly buy a 3600 dollar piece of furniture even if you do have great payment plans and other options for purchase, and its zero down today because of New Year pricing. Why did I even fucking come here before the movies? I get up. I walk over to another chair, and do the same fucking thing. But something is different. I reach down, and I can only feel my wallet. Fuck. I know I brought my fucking phone in here. Because I send a fucking tweet every 10 minutes. God dammit. Babe, do you have my phone in your purse? No, fuck. I look at my apple watch. It shows that its connected to my phone still, and it only works if it is like within 30 feet of it via blue tooth.  Even though the ATT rep told me I could go on a jog without my phone and still call people to pick me up if I get tired and still have to run all the way fucking back home, because the 711 is just the halfway point. Bro never run past 2 miles because there is no fucking point, and its not safe, and no one gives a shit if you are in good enough shape to do the fucking dishes at home. Because basically when you grow up, all you do is go to work, and fucking do the dishes a lot. Fucking cook chicken breasts that smell great, low and slow in butter with the dial on 6 for 15 minutes a side, and a strip of bacon, vinegar in there for some smoke flavor, but you can’t eat it yet because you need to fucking clean up the pan first, because no one wants to fucking eat dinner, and not just fucking be done, that is why they invented restaurants for you to pay higher prices to eat, so someone else would do the fucking dishes for you, I buy paper towels and use them instead of having to wash rags constantly, should I just buy paper plates, hmm, no thanks, waste of money, I use heart and heath $10/ fixxer upper show, from Target plates, that are black, with golden silver wear, at home, so now I have to fucking do the dishes, and I am not going to eat this fucking chicken and rice unless when I am fucking done, I can go straight into the next thing I want to fucking do, which isn’t the fucking dishes. I want to pour a vodka powerade, be showered, and watch the fucking Vanderpump Rules. I don’t need to be washing my hands a lot once I already showered. You never know when you are going to get some pussy, and you should always have your hands washed before you touch someones pussy. Wow. So basically my phone is lost, and I have no fucking service because the phone store rep lied to me trying to make a sale on Christmas. And I am panicking. I can’t even go get more coffee at work without it. I have a closer relationship to my phone than Adam Shefter. If I leave my phone in my office, I feel like I go zero dark thirty for like 5 minutes, like everyone trapped in that embassy in Benghazi for 30 minutes trying to call Hillary who keeps call forwarding their messages. I am different I always answer. I never fucking go more than 5 minutes without my fucking phone. Some one could fucking text me something that I have to respond to immediately. Like, Kingsbury to the Cardinals, from a number I don’t recognize because they use that phone scrambling service uber uses for its passengers, and how to do you get that when you are just a person, not a huge company. To protect the fact they are Steve Keim. Shefter nudges Trey Wingo. Sources say its a done deal. Kliff to Arizona. Yeah Gase hates Rosen. Ten minutes later. Kliff looks at his phone, oh thats swanny. Hey Lynn, whats up? I thought I fucking told you that you couldn’t interview for fucking head coaching jobs. Lynn I am at fucking Jasons Deli eating a beef eater. Wtf are you talking about. Mort just said he is all cured from cancer again, and that you just met with the Cardinals. Lynn relax, I am just doing a little sightseeing. I am riding a bird around rodeo drive, and shopping with Will Smiths son Jayden. We bought some crystals. I am not going anywhere. Fucking better not, Gosling. Thats near where OJ killed Nicole for cheating too. Hangs up. Kliff licks his ice cream cone. Block your number, why the fuck is USC always hiring former players as their AD, he mumbles, as a random 402 number rings through. Who the fuck is this? Its probably a reporter from the Nebraska school paper who wants to write an article on Harrison. Messages from phone numbers I don’t know are the real enemy of the people. Umm who is this? This better not be someone from fucking college who found my number on Linked In. Oh it is, great fucking detective work. Yeah man I am doing good. Lets both watch the same thing on TV at the same time and text about it. It will be like we are hanging out in person. Look, it goes against my core values to not respond, and reconnect with my friend Brian who I only text, and never see in person, because I am too lazy to travel to the state he lives in, to actually spend time with him and his family. This is what society has become. Instead of just using AOL Instant Messenger in high school for a few hours like I used to do, and cyber on it for a little bit, before my folks told me to get the fuck off the computer, and come eat dinner. Mom, my girlfriend just sent me a picture of her tits finally after lots of typing, and convincing. They put messenger on your phone, called it texting, everyone from AOL got fired for not thinking of it first, and now you can take instagram pictures of your food  from the fucking table too. Yeah I don’t actually eat it, cause its a little too healthy and doesn’t taste good, and that is why there are no fast food vegan places, but there are Burger Kings. And you can never escape your friends. Cable guy. Looking through the camera hole on top of your phone. Hey man, you in there? What are you doing? Tell me. I seen you read that shit. and you. seen you live streaming. Tell me motherfucker, now. I am not touching my quinoa until I get your thoughts on the trump tweet. Oh no response for longer than an hour. Oh okay. Cool.  Because I fucking hate fucking people who I send them a fucking text, and they don’t fucking respond. Fine fuck you. You want to hide under the fucking truck Pistol. Go ahead. I am done laying on the fucking concrete in a pushup position trying to grab and text you, fucking calling your fucking name. Fuck it. Don’t come when I fucking call you, or say treats, even though I don’t have one, and as soon as I get my hands on you, I am going to spank your little furry wiener dog ass, but I actually won’t because I love you, and I am gentle natured. You better come when I fucking call you, next time. As at the last minute I here the jingling of his collar running through the door just as it closes. Good doggy. Here is a 4 dollar bully stick the size of a fucking pretzel. Great gas prices, but they are just recouping the costs in expensive ass dog treats.  Where the fuck is my fucking phone. Worst possible scenario. I cant even find the TV remote in my couch at home, and I have two. 1 for Netlfix and Apps, and 1 for cable. So I need both because of the input button on the Netflix one. Lost it in a fucking furniture store. Fuck I have to remember all the fucking recliners I have sat in the last hour. I think I do. No babe its in the truck. I don’t believe you, but I am pretending to, because I hope that it is, and that I didn’t lose it. I get down the escalator and my apple watch shows a no service signal. Fuck, it is upstairs. I turn around. And run back up the steps, and the apple watch signal lights up green. Okay its somewhere in one these 400 recliners. I know it. I go to this one fucking chair I fucking hated, stiffer than honey moon dick, and I reach into the crevice on the side, and boom my fucking phone is right fucking there. I almost gronk spiked that mother fucker. Fuck you. Just because I didn’t fucking like your ass, you’re just gonna steal my fucking phone. Little bitch. Ill never fucking buy you ever. I hope you get mad at halftime, and have to end your fucking coaching career walking up a lonely tunnel by yourself while the team is inside in the locker room giving speeches using the Foo Fighers Here Comes my Hero lyrics, behind your back because its our fucking team now, as soon as we get into congress we are going to impeach that mother fucker, were not gonna take it, fucking, because the players are tired of your 1990’s Jack Welch vertical management, org chart, Steve Sarkisian left after one fucking game because of how fucking mean you are and he doesn’t want to start drinking again to deal with the verbal abuse, fucking you work for me and I better not see one fucking 5 star recruit from your region get signed anywhere but fucking here and why the fuck isn’t Trevor Lawrence my fucking quarterback cause he is from fucking the state right next door app to us Georgia, who is the fucking coach assigned to that territory, and, no one better ever tell the fucking media I am giving our star running back shots for the cartilidge in his knee, dad I never wanted but also never had, Lane get the fuck out of my fucking office, you got a lot of talent but are squirrelly, here is a fucking golden parachute job at Florida Atlantic, that’ll wonder why Butch Davis is having more success at Florida International, and why the fuck are there so many colleges in Florida that are up and coming, Nebraska only has 1 fucking team, lucky I fucking respect your dad, fuck this team for fucking up my legacy, type coach. We want to play for Dabo. Coach Lance on his fucking crutches. Lost his full scholarship to FSU when he tore his ACL before they could just have surgery that places screws in your ankle, and it use to take a year and a half to recover, but you’ll be ready in 2 weeks, and now the only injury left to conquer is Dez Bryants achilles, and basically no one will ever have to worry about Vinny Testeverde missing an entire season again from simply dropping back in the first quarter the first game the first drive of the season. You guys coming to the Bahamas. No we are out. My grandpa died. Dez I know you posted 30 videos a day of you sitting down catching passes on your butt on instagram to prove you just needed your hands, the same way weak armed quarterbacks claim they only need to be cerebral, but its fucking pat and go, and you’re already out for the fucking season. God damn son. I better not catch you on twitter fucking rooting for the Cowboys in the fucking playoffs. Especially if we play them mother fuckers. Ill be fucking watching for that shit. You fucking hear me. Try that shit. Fucking once. Try it. Fucking Ocasia Cortez says a lot of her tweets never see the light of day. I dare you. Type a fucking subweet from the training room while you are sitting with your ankle in the gameready for 150 straight hours like Terrell Owens, except you’re out for the season, and he actually cared enough to come back and have 150 yards receiving in the Super Bowl, but yeah don’t put him in the HOF because is fucking selfish, not the reason the cowboys cut Dez this off-season, and send that fucking tweet about Sean Payton having shot glasses for eyes, post it and fucking delete it. Before someone sifting for gold on the beaches of the internet selfie snapshots that nugget, and it gets 10,000 likes in 5 minutes, before the news has to make a correction that its actually not true, and the correction only gets a few likes, and that is how the deep state is spreading lies all over the internet about Trump using twitter. But here is the real story.  I wonder how Moxon, and Tahj Boyd feels knowing basically he was the quarterback who created the Clemson New World Order. He is the Vint Serf of the internet. Everyone talks about Larry Page of Google Search, and Deshaun Watson’s belenciago sweatshirt, but Tahj was the in-vitro who allowed Khloe to finally have a baby, and Tommy Bowden to birth Dabo. The first players coach to not die from friendly fire. Yeah we love coach, but will also most likely get him fired like Larry Coker, setting Miami back decades, almost canceling their program again, because when you are a manager you are not supposed to be able to be friends with your employees because then you can’t fire them. The opposite of Saban. Give him the shot. You give that shot and you find yourself another fuckin quarterback. You’re about ready to lose that scholarship. If it keeps that needle out of Tua’s and Wendells leg. Fuck it. I’m out. Oh that’s good. That’s real good. Jalen, Tweeder you take the snaps. No I am out, coach. Im with them. Saban lunges at Mike Locksley. You think you’re already at fucking Maryland and losing games, and a players lives is acceptable. Saban has to be restrained. Alright, get your helmets on. Lets go. Let’s go now god dammit. I’m walking out that door, and I want you all to trust me. And follow me out there. Let’s go. Lets’ go. Let’s go after that title now. Bobby Knight gets canned at Indiana because the players are tired of him throwing fucking chairs at them for trying to learn how to play basketball better in college, so they can try to get drafted to go to the pros. There is only a 2 fucking percent chance son, and I am not going to be the first coach to give people maybe a 4 percent chance. And the NCAA is not going to let Trevor Lawrence go pro for 2 more years, even though Steve Jobs made $200M at Apple with a high school degree at the age of 19. Not gonna fucking happen. 2 percent chance for fucking ever. For all of you. The dolphins will be fucking fishing for franchise quarterbacks for fucking ever, every 10 fucking years, someone randomly fucking finds one. That is the way I fucking like it. We can’t just use college to develop these fucking quarterbacks and every NFL team gets a quality high caliber passer. No we have to fucking convince them to stay and help us get great ratings at two more national title games and not pay them for it, or stay at Alabama as backup quarterbacks to starters they are actually better than, because Jalen has never thrown a pick in a national title game, and actually had a walk off run for a touchdown to beat Clemson, and again Saban for being such a fucking defensive genius continually fucking loses to any boxer Mike Tyson punches and doesn’t get knocked out within the first three blows, and says man, Fuck Evander Holyfield, who looks at Mike and says, bro were going 12 fucking rounds, and Tua says, no were are not because as soon as I start losing or the pressure gets to great I pretend another lineman stepped on my ankle and I have to leave the game, and Hawaii to come here, which is pretty expensive for a family to move to Alabama from, I mean considering packing up all your shit, and jars of various sands from your travels around the world, and shipping it overseas, only to rent more rental trucks, to find and buy a house, and unpack, and then find out the National Title is in California, and dear fucking god, when will the fucking expenses slow down babe, another fucking bill,  how many fucking IPhones do we fucking have 8, you can’t fucking break the screen of every fucking iphone you fucking get, I can’t find mine, and just think I am going to go fucking lease another one because its only seventy dollars to get, and I can’t see the $1,500 dollars behind it, and people keep wondering why apple isn’t selling more iphones because duh, fucking everyone is fucking leasing them, like your scholarship is on lease Tua, ever since you threw a pick six to start the game on a day 1 installation speed out pass, that Harrison predicted you would melt down ever since Jalen, who we should have done the same fucking thing to you we did to him last year, but didn’t do, because then folks will just think I am copying myself, which is okay, that still means its original, because its your idea, and besides there is a blackstreet , B2K, Jackson 5, the heisman finalists this year, lots of copies of urban boy bands, and you didn’t try to replicate Mike Leach’s offense at a bunch of different colleges with limited success, but keep hiring those same coaches to do it again and again. The point is that Tua, you are the most expensive fucking future NFL backup I have ever fucking recruited here since every quarterback who goes to Alabama always becomes a backup in the NFL, guaranteed. Even AJ Mcarron who has 3 national title rings, and you only have 1, so that still makes him a bigger star at any booster or charity event we hold on campus, that Tommy Frazier is forced to go to if he wants his fucking rent check. You fucking say Hi to Harrison ten fucking times on his recruiting trip you hear me mother fucker. Tua go get AJ McCarron some fucking sparkling cider apple juice champagne you fucking Sinbad haircutted mother fucker who is probably telling his dad right now at his 1 bedroom apartment he had to rent because the move was so expensive, that you want to transfer back to Hawaii and play for Nick Raviolovich. Who George O’leary wanted Harrison to go to UCF when he left Nebraska, but they fucking suck cock. So Harrison didn’t want to live 5 miles from Disney world and deal with that traffic, and didn’t call him or talk to him, and George resented that, and Harrison later realized was probably a mistake because he wanted to live close to home too, like Tua did when he asked his folks to move from aesthetic japan to here. But Coach Ravioli says no thanks, because the ocean water in Moana says you have broken the tribes trust by trying to save the tribes people, like Marcus Mariota and basically every other failed quarterback from Hawaii, you thought you were going to change that perception, they wouldn’t break their ankle to play in their NFL playoff game, but did, and didn’t. We need someone with some fucking moxie around here. What do you think Moxon?  Moxon stands up, relieved that Kilmer didn’t alter his transcipts and he lose his scholarship to Brown, wants to deliver one final speech and oddly say the word fuck a lot for it being a movie about high school teenagers playing football, but feels more like a college football team with all the sex, drugs, stealing cop cars, and if I was Coach Kilmer I would be a fucking dickhead too because the whole fucking team is running rampant, because its the 90’s and there is no fucking Ian Rapport tweeting breaking news that you bought an entire house just to relax, do blow and fuck one of Jim Kellys mistresses that his wife knows about, in Dallas, and basically there would be no Brett Favre, Dan Marino selling cocaine at Pitt, if social media was around back then, we got a few years left boys, lets go win the district champion after my speech, and tweeder tucks his fucking hip pads back into his fucking hip pad pockets. Folks, listen up. From the Rose Garden of Emmit Smiths White House.  Before this game, Kilmer said, ’48 minutes for the next 48 years of our lives. I say fuck that. I say, fuck that. Let’s go out there and we’ll play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes, and we will leave it all out of the field. Except for Lance because he is the new head coach so he has to stay here, and get hired by the school board first, and get a teaching degree from a local community college, and deal with his dad not being able to understand why there isn’t universal healthcare, Switzerland has it, thats proof it works, they are the size of Rhode Island, so someone could have just fixed my son’s fucking knee easily, and son okay so you didn’t go to FSU, go to fucking Sam Houston State, I guaranfuckingtee they will take you, I don’t get why you are just giving up your entire fucking life, especially when you can hit a beer can off my head on the first try,  because of one fucking knee injury, that in the scene where you at the hospital having surgery they acted like you were the linebacker who died in that car accident in remember the titans. And if life is a computer simulation and sunshine is gay, then that is a precursor to Aaron Rodgers oddly wearing a Freddie Mercury mustache, and being the quarterback who looks like Blake Shelton from the movie Valentines Day with Ashton Kutcher. But just like every black president in every movie since Deep Impact preparing us for Barak Obama, that Trevor Lawrence was going to beat Alabama in the national title.  This halftime scene in Varsity Blues is what happened to Nick Saban last night, and what seems to also be happening to Tom Brady & Belicheks relationship. Folks are tired of maniacal, I can only work for a team for 4 years before having to leave because I have worn thin every single pencil in this drawer, I mean person in these border cages, I mean facility Jim Harbaugh type of coach. You saw what happened to Woody Hayes when he tried to punch a Clemson player. Its a New Fucking Day at Ohio State. Urban Meyer’s Percy Harvin migraines are gone. Coach, we fucking play in a dome- why the fuck are we practicing outside in the cold and snow? And can you please get to fucking meetings, and press conferences on time. Matt Patricia is just another autumn leaf falling to the ground from the Belichek coaching tree that includes Saban losing the national title now, and both of them consistently losing to people who are higher than the power of the god that Nick Foles teaches kids about in Sunday School in the off-season. But him being high too, and wearing sandals with jeans a lot. I am like Jalen and Moxon man, I don’t even care about starting. I want to read a book during the games. Learn. Open my mind to something other than West Texas. and Doug Pedersons Brett Favre stories Ty Detmer told him, that he heard from hassleback. Listen to the words taught by Spencer Pratts from the Hills, crystals, Kliff bought from his facebook marketplace ad. All these rappers have their own strands of weed now. I think its time to take recruiting to a higher level. No more dressing in the school uniform with dad on instagram, or getting beat by him last night.  Per Tuas mom to Tom Rinaldi. 3 lashes, 1 for each pick and the loss. Its time for a new strain of weed called Dabo. One fucking hit, and Chris Collinsworth will teach you about above-the-rim throws. That Alabama couldn’t defend in the red zone. I don’t know. I am fucking done. Saban is 1-2 years away from the biggest recruiting scandal in the history of football and the world, and Alabama being given the SMU death penalty. How about that for a little dab will do ya?


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