QBLesson - Quarterback & Football


QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you about the wild. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lessons in McKinney in Dallas. I am the Hunter S. Thompson of football. The Fear and Loathing of the Las Vegas Raiders. To all the people who weren’t given the gift of gab like me.  The mic skills. The deliver your fucking lines on the first fucking try skills. The get that fucking teleprompter out of my fucking MAGA rally skills. The Harrison needs some more fucking polish before he gets promoted, but no he doesn’t hes a fucking natural, skills. Blow me. The internets a fucking blood stream, and all you have to do is open a vein and inject a bunch of memes into it. And Russia will influence your elections, and cause you to watch me and contemplate me. Is this real? Harrison, or is this like a wrestling character? Is this fucking Jim Carrey making insane splatter paintings every day and posting them to his twitter. The resistance. The fucking resistance. Life is a fucking Star Wars moving. Instead of fucking jumping through time portals, and shooting you with lasers, I am going to paint you out of office using water colors. Harrison can’t be Jim Carrey or George Carlin because he is a quarterback only. Forever. and fucking ever. You know what. You are right. You are fucking right. I am the Internet’s First Ever Starting Quarterback. 3 colleges tried to fuck my career up. But like Johnny Depp is that movie where he downloads his brain into a computer. What the fuck is that called? Fucking Transcendence. Harrison went fucking digital. No NCAA telling me I can’t go pro until my third year. No rules, just right. Fucking outback steakhouse. Fucking 6 oz sirloin with a baked potato, no chives, an excessive amount of sour cream, and a side of fucking steakhouse mac and cheese, and yes, bring fucking blooming onion sauce and 3 loafs of fucking bread, with a side cesar salad. I am going to eat all of this fucking food. Fucking all of it. Fucking 8 glasses of fucking water too. I went out to eat with a group of managers one time. My boss, fucking Derek. His boss invited him out. So we go to Outback Steakhouse. And that is what I order and I eat all of it. Well Derek orders his meal and only eats half. So he puts his plate to the side. He is finished, and I fucking reach over, grab his plate, and eat the rest of his fucking steak and sweet potato. And he looks at me. And his boss looks at me. And right there his fucking boss knew that I was his fucking daddy. The Alpha. You just let another man finish your fucking dog bowl. I ate the whole fucking thing. Both fucking meals. What the fuck are you going to do about it? Mother fucker. The relationship was never the same again. Because he got fucking canned, and I got fucking promoted. Because I DO NOT FUCKING PLAY FUCKING GAMES. Social fucking climber at its finest. Don’t bring a fucking ladder around me. Because I will climb that mother fucker all the way to the fucking top. They say in management the higher up the flag pole you go, the more they can see your ass. Well guess what, I got a great fucking ass. For a guy, dead serious I have a fucking bubble butt, fucking PAWG, fucking if I was a girl, there would be 1M dollars of Jennifer Lopez insurance on my fucking butt cheeks. So fucking look at it. Cop a fucking feel. Get a handful of fucking ass cheeks. All great athletes have amazing, beautiful horse asses. Its the fucking gravity to earth. Fucking flexible too. I can do a fucking split. Fucking pop that pussy on a handstand. Don’t turn on fucking Ciara fucking let it ride at your family crawfish boil, because shell end up my wife, not yours Russell. Whats that family BBQ like for Russell by the way? Because she use to fuck Future too. I bet fucking Russell runs to the bathroom, and quickly she is like, future you got some molly. He pops a tab in her mouth. Russell comes back out. Hey babe, hows the kids? Why are your eyes so fucking bloodshot. Future is like, hey Russ come check out this new track in my house studio I am working on. They go out to the garage to listen. He comes back in and Ciara is working a fucking stripper pole in 50 cents million dollar listing house Fredrik tried to sell. Russell runs inside. Ciara, what the heck babe? Grabs her jacket and purse. We are leaving, right now. You hear me. She tries to resist a little. Russell gets exasperated. Drops her stuff. Okay then. Fine. Fine. Just great. Grabs the keys. I am going to wait in the car. She never comes out. I don’t know. Probably not, but maybe. Who fucking knows? Google Peyton Manning is a swinger. Fucking wierd shit going in real life, compared to what articles they pay google to tell you, and which ones to censor. Or maybe its just your bubble filter. Youtube a bubble filter. You get the news that you like, not the news that you need. You get fucking candy for news. Not fucking green beans and salmon. Whatever, fuck it. Its just H being H.  I bet my dad. He died when I was 7. I was on vacation. Came home and he was dead. I bet his ass is just hover boarding above me, watching this shit, having a great fucking time. Fucking patting me on the back, but I can’t feel it because he has ghost hands, and it just goes right through my fucking shoulder. I feel him through the heart burn that I get. I love you dad. I miss you. I start fucking crying. uhhahhsh slobbering. Fuck man. Fuck man. No, I just get fucking heart burn from drinking vodka at night, waking up and drinking coffee in the morning, and god dammit I just remembered I forgot my fucking spaghetti lunch I made for dinner, but was going to take to work for leftovers. Fuck– anyways just eat a handful of tums a few times a day and it won’t feel like you are drinking fucking burning hot water all day. It started when I was a kid because I can play like 8 instruments. I can fucking shred on the guitar like I am fucking in the band Dragon Force. So I fucking started these hardcore bands At the Court of Atilla. You know Atilla the Hun. His fucking judgement day. That mother fucker would tie your arms and legs up, and turn a wheel stretching them apart until you snapped like a fucking pretzel dipped in Neopolitan ice cream by my Grandpa, and put into his crusty mouth during fight night. Two fucking televisions with magnifying glass covers over them so he could see Mike Tyson bite Holyfields fucking ear off, better. Grandpa, what the fuck is happening? Did he just bite his fucking ear off. Grandpa. I was like 7 sitting on his fucking couch with him in his TV room where he sat all fucking day with these two fat ass mean ass terrier russell dogs. Fucking duke. That piece of shit use to fucking bite me. But I still loved him. Because I love animals Territorial piece of shit. I had a friend once, and he met my wiener dog, and my dog hated him, growled at him, I knew this kid was bad now, and so I stopped being friends with him because of my dog. He was a decent kid, but my dog didn’t like him, and it told me to not like him either. I trust my dog, my gut, more than these presidential briefings. But I like Queenie the fat ass with skinny legs peppa pig looking one. Fucking throw some bacon on the ground, and it would dyson vacuum that shit up with her little snout. Tap dancing fat ass mother fucker. Come here queenie come get some rubs. Grandma whats for dinner? Making me microwave mac and cheese micholeena. Fuck yeah. Fucking shells and contadina sauce. Thanks Grandma. She would sit on the fucking couch with a stick of butter and a knife. Cut a slab off and just fucking eat it like the knife was a butter lollipop. Yeah milk is bad for you, don’t fucking drink it, its why youre fat. Yeah my grandma eats fucking butter.  Like when people make brownies and lick the spoon or the bowl clean. But fucking margarine. Hey, that is different than butter Harrison. I know and only .99 cents for blue bonnet. That is why I get it at the store. Because I am expert fucking shopper. My grandma, Raising me like a fucking baby wolf. Son, I want you to fucking rollerblade all fucking day so your ankles get strong. Yes grandma. Fucking only kid winning kill the carrier in the neighborhood, growling and shit at the age of 8, at the other kids. I got a mean ass lion roar.  Rawr! I had this fucking metalcore band that I would play at this venue in Tarpon Springs. Hard ass rock metal shows with like 100 people mosh pitting, screaming my fucking face off. Fucking breakdowns, shred and sweeping riffs, with these fucking columbian kids Jorge and Philipe. Fucking illegals I think. Because after a show Philipe took pills and drove home, crashed, and got fucking deported back to Columbia, and I would read his fucking poems on myspace. He seemed pretty fucking sad about it, because had this hot little skank girlfriend with huge tits he got to fuck in America, and now he has to fucking join the fucking caravan. I don’t even know if he is alive anymore. But his girlfriend threw up in my friend Chris’s truck after too many Mikes Hard Lemonades, only shit you can get as a teenager, when you get the courage to see if the nearby 711 won’t ID you, and he got fucking livid, because Chris washed his truck he bought for himself, like a loser, at 15 fucking skipping football practice to work a fucking job cleaning dishes at a retirement home, because he thought money was more important than potential, and needed this truck, to remind him that he didn’t get to go off to college on scholarships like the rest of us, who knew better. I tried to tell you, you fucking idiot. I don’t know. I was was a pretty good front man. I probably could have led a band to Solid State Records, minimum. Probably played on the Warped Tour if I wanted. You saw how many people showed up to watch Labora Tori at Knickerbockers. Fucking met this kid Billy in my sociology class. He was wearing an It Dies Today T-Shirt. Asked him if he wanted to jam. He knew this drummer who lived way the fuck up on O Street and off into the country. I would drive out there to his house. In his basement had a huge fucking drum set with double kick peddles. We would go down there and write songs. Shred our fucking faces off. The dad and mom would come downstairs and fucking offer us tea and strumpets. Slippy, slappy, sammy, oh there it is, samsonite. We actually threw a second show at their basement. Like 90 kids in a 1 bedroom apartment, fucking huge rented amps from the guitar shop. Fucking dead serious, the heaviest metal show that you have ever seen in your fucking life. Fucking living room moshpits. Like one of those fucking, watch the Steve Aoki documentary on Netflix, he would rent an apartment, and just throw fucking hardcore shows in them and trash them. That is what this was, except we made sure to vacuum after. Dude just imagine how famous you are when you play for Nebraska. Now imagine your son brings home the greatest quarterback in Nebraska history. And he plays a fucking major metal show in your basement. Like insane death metal with Satan screams. But its not, right Devils Wear Prada, because Lions scream, and lions are loved by god. That is how Christian metal bands justify screaming demonic lyrics. But imagine that shit. The whole house shaking. People throwing elbows, and raging like when you get to the very front of a rock concert, that isn’t the foo fighters, and everyone has bandanas on their face, because they are technically fighting, but calling it dancing, and don’t want to go to jail for the one kid who gets a broken nose, and claims it was fighting, but its just being in the pit. I don’t know. I am a fucking champion. Because basically I can do anything that I fucking set my mind too. I got canned from a job one time, and I told my friend, that I was going to write myself as a fucking astonaught. Go to fucking space. Dead serious if I wanted to be Elon Musk I could. Its really not that hard. The hardest part of doing anything outside the collective conciousness, is basically like how Antartica has formed an ice wall around earth holding the ocean in like a bathtub, a bunch of people hold hands, or elephant walk, depending how you look at it, with each other, as you look down from the arches in St. Louis, hey they formed the word love, how cool, and if you go past where their minds have been programmed to go, then it only stretches so far, before you crash your sailboat into the wall, and tell Ed Harris and everyone watching on TV, Social Media, you jerking off and someone watching you through your phones camera in a hotel room on a work trip, you look up and say, Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night! And fucking you open the hatch, and there you are in Hollywood. People in bars screaming, doing jager bombs before the Alamo Bowl, getting benched by Callahan for barfing into the River Walk River, laying in the fucking bathtub with the water on steaming hot trying to sober up before the quarterback meeting, that you fall alseep in, because they are trying to come up with signals for plays, and you recommend the peppershaker, and they don’t like it, seems like a blowjob or someone putting pepper on your salad, and you doze off, and next thing you know, zac taps your shoulder, and you wake up, and try to pretend like you have been paying attention the whole time, but then go back to the mens restroom to barf, and Callahan walks out, and says man someone looks sick and you are like, just stare at him, and go in there, and now I can’t barf before he fucking thinks its me, but I have to, so you just pee, and go back to the quarterback room barely making it, wanting this meeting to be over so bad, and then its finally fucking over, and then at practice you get no reps, and fuck it, I don’t give a shit, haven’t gotten any reps all fucking season anyways, fucking standing here with my fucking dick in my hand, not doing shit, listening to Beau Davis fucking commentate every fucking practice, ooh bad throw, ooh good throw, nice run, and I don’t give a fuck about what anyone is doing, just either I am going to go throw, or I might as well just fucking stare off in the sky, and wonder why Erin Andrews is a fucking liar, when that bitch interviewed me before Colorado and said I said something I fucking didn’t, and Brent Musberger repeated it,  lying ass trick, No freshman year isn’t fucking hard, I just don’t get any fucking reps or I would win the heisman probably, minimum a national title, like Jameille Showers, fucking in the lobby of the hotel, hey lets chat, sure Erin, sure, I bet one day you will work for Fox right around the same time your mom face comes in.  Anyways, Look what can I say? Everyone wants to interview me all the fucking time because I am entertaining. Most folks, they are just people who work selling fucking chainsaws for Stihl. Their life means nothing to anyone, and no one knows who they are. They just fucking click the like button on something someone else did.  I get it. Hey babe I just retweeted what I think you had dreams of me becoming when you married me, rich and famous, so you can maybe watch it, on your feed, do you even follow me?, and you think its cute that I think its cool, and get some satisfaction that I at least, understand where I failed, and let you and our entire family down, because I literally, and this is dead serious, twitter literally calls you a follower. You are a follower. When I grew up if you were called a follower it meant you tried weed for the first time in sixth grade, by smoking it through an apple core.  Have you ever seen George Carlin live, before he started waking too many people up, and they gave him a heart attack. He tried to tell you. Trump tries to tell you. I try to tell you. Sorry no one ever thought of QBLesson.com before me. All these stinky dicklicker fucks on TV, on fucking Vinny Testaverde one day threw a football near the sideline, hit and ruined Stuart Scotts eye forever, ESPN, fucking David Pollack with his sunken in skull face, his game analysis filtered through a dialysis machine, looks like fucking Billy Zane in the Phantom, fucking Greg McCelroy, I guess is the Alton Brown on College Football now, fucking showing us how to separate butter from oil in a cup in his freezer, Woah man, whats next, sure you want some fucking more recipes, here is how you make a paper mache volcano, dip newspaper strips into water and flour, wrap them around a fucking orange agility cone, until it looks nice and thick, and mountainous, and then fill the middle with baking soda, and pour some white vinegar in there, and watch it fucking explode with foam, like Mental’s mouth when Lloyd Christmas loads his sandwich up with rat poison at that roadside diner, thanks Greg that is fucking great insights, I know you are mad that you had to backup Chase Daniel for 3 years, and only got 1 year to play decent in High School, and only because you are fucking wholesome they let your ass into the Elite 11, because god knows, your arm bends in half like a dick inside any girl over 150 lbs, and you just wanted to go Texas and Oklahoma, but ended up at Alabama going 6/11 in a National Title game, the fucking Trent Dilfer of National Champions. Hey Steve, bro you better calm fucking down on set here buddy. I got 1 ring just like fucking you, and pretty soon Foles will have 2 rings, and we are both fucked. Greg, says Have a Merry Christmas Twitter Fam! Thanks Greg, I walk over to the sideline of the Indiana Pacers, and tell them I have a Christmas present for em.  Larry Bird hitting a three point shot, fucking champagne on ice, back peddling down the sideline pointing to the crowd, game winner, Merry Fucking Christmas! There is your fucking present Greg, from your fucking twitter family. I tagged you in this youtube video. Watch it.  Lol fuck. Fucking Larry Bird. Salty ass mustache. Best Trash Talker of all time before I came along. I am not going to say anything about Tebow because the NFL fucked up bad with him. I use to know Riley Cooper who is a fucking maniac by the way. Lives in Ocala I guess fucking drinks beer and hunts in fucking silence every day. Living off his 10 million dollar signing bonus for being the best at blocking in wide receiver history. Only pass he could catch is a jump ball fade from 10 yards out in the endzone. No way the illuminati lets him back in the NFL after he said the N word at that Florida/Georgia line concert, and then Kapernick can’t get signed. Man the NFL is more fucking racist than Harrison.  Not happening. Fucking he told legendary stories about Tebow. Says he is a dead serious christian. No fucking joke. So they have this thing at Florida where the first day of summer workouts is a competition. Like bench press, forty and shit. Fucking Tebow does 225 35 times at 18. Pretty solid. I could bench 375 at 16, so I don’t know, fuck Tebow I am probably stronger than him too. Mother fucker was home schooled, got like a 400 on his SAT, too bad he was born in the Philipines because then he could have run for President, probably fucking win. Fucking hates abortion, because he was almost an abortion, but then lived, and thats pretty baller, because when he was in high school at Nease he was in the state championship vs Armwood, and he ripped off an 82 yard game winning touchdown run, and armwood had the chance to come back, and he goes in on the defensive line, and fucking stops their triple option drive, at noseguard. And wins that mother fucker. The state title. Broken fucking tibia the whole time. That non-weight bearing bone, I don’t even know why the fuck its in our body if you can just break it, and it doesn’t matter. But Urban was watching from the stands, like holy fucking shit. This is who is going to get me to the 2nd best coach in college behind Saban, I mean Dabo. You better watch out in recruiting- Urban will fuck your mom. I hear he flirts like a mother fucker. Come here baby, I feel great I took an IB Profen. Fucking Tebow.  He is like a fucking GOP dream candidate. He should still be playing in the NFL.  That mother fucker was going to be in the NFL Pro Football Hall of Fame. No one had ever seen anything like him before. His first game verse the Texans he had 300 yards passing, and 100 yards rushing and 3 touchdowns, including the game winner. Fucking Lamar Jackson, these other rookie quarterbacks can’t even win a fucking playoff game. This guy beats the Steelers in Overtime with a money shot all over the face of the fans. Kneels and prays. And all the owners in the illuminati are like fuck. He is making people believe in God again, after years of programming, operation mockingbird, MK Ultra, MTV music videos and Hollywood converting everyone to Satans New World Order. Without them realizing it. Damn did the rain drops in that Rhianna music video for umbrella just form a fucking baphomet head. Wtf is that shit. Folks keep talking about universal healthcare, and socialism, and tax rates, and all this other garbage. Go on fucking You Tube and type in illuminati. People have been watching these videos for the last 5 years, seeing this fucking all seeing eye, fucking pyramids, fucking dicks in Disney movies, and they started being like, wait, what the fuck is going on. Cause this isn’t fucking American Horror Story on the fucking FX channel. I didn’t pay to go fucking watch Halloween, which I guess AMC is fucking $20 dollars a fucking movie ticket now, and thanks Netflix, yeah you saved us a bunch of fucking money, all the Adam Sandler you want for $9, but the world just closes the fucking gap, when I want to go see Aquaman and its fucking $65 dollars for 3 fucking people, and you don’t even have fucking candy tonight, and your drink station is out of fucking coca cola, fucking who the fuck is out of coca cola, its the only fucking drink you should never fucking run out of it, and then you have to pretend Diet Coke is fucking good, but it has that wierd fucking nutri-sweet taste that every 50 year old person who is on a diet drinks and thinks it works fucking great, yeah trying to watch calories Jim so I got a diet coke at lunch with my cobb salad, which by the fucking way all these diet drinks are super fucking dangerous for you, give you hypertension and mood swings, and fuck it, I don’t even fucking drink soda, fuck no, so I don’t give a fuck that you’re out of coca cola, I just thought like, if I was the manager here I would fucking fire the GM here for being out of coca cola, just means he doesn’t give a shit about core value type shit, there being R ratings on movies that you have to make a conscience effort to pay to go see, but Youtube being invented and now ratings don’t fucking matter, and I think I am watching Ryans Toy Review, and its fucking Elsagate, and no one is fucking doing anything to fucking stop it, like QANON still being all over instagram even though I thought Facebook had hearings to remove this shit? and they are owned by them, and because Kamala Harris thinks everyone should have access to a flu shot, shell tell you about it on her book tour, hey um, ask your boss , he I am uh going on a book tour instead of coming into work today, Ill check emails on my phone though okay, fucking get your hep B shot, and that is what is important, but its not, obviously because they elected Trump, because of these Youtube videos, that you didn’t realize was the number 1 voting issue for most americans right now. And now you fucking do, and will when you find out that Robert Mueller has worked for Trump the entire fucking time, and that Roy Cohn once called Trump the only person he has ever met who is a genius, the lawyer who worked on the red scare cases in the Senate where back in the 70s Joseph McCarthy era, tried to warn everyone that communism was inflitrating our government through insidious ways, and being reframed as socialism, through the Jenny on the Block, Jennifer Lopez works her ass off, on Living Color as a dancer originally, but now a maid in Manhattan, and eventually in second chance, a women without a degree who becomes a fortune 500 executive,  and you see the progression here, a bartender now congress women, Ocasio Cortez,  elected by the people from urban neighborhoods, to be the future of politics, with no prior experience, just street smarts, and you’re welcome. You have watched just enough movies to ensure you give us your vote. Which is exactly what we planned for to happen.  Ocasia and JLO, rags to riches. Wild animals trapped, caged, and kennel trained by the 1 percent, turned into your house cat who sits on the couch with you while you watch them on TV talk about women’s rights. The future of the IRS making more money is female.  We worked hard, and now we get taxed just like men. Its great. You should work too. And you. And you. All of you. Maybe one day you can be Selena, a Latina popstar whose tour manager kills them at a Best Western after embezzeling all their hard earned money to them, and their family, and right before you find out that Selena Gomez had emergency kidney surgery, and that was fucking weird she almost died because sounded healthy in her songs, but so did Demi Lovato before doing heroine a lot, and writing love on her arms. Thats a charity for cutters. Look, Instead of making 66 Billion dollars like Jeff Bezos wife for just being solid emotional support, with a Cynthia Nixon haircut, the red head from sex and the city, and being there for him, while he cried every day trying to make Amazon work, god dammit, it fucking never fucking ends, every fucking day he is anxious, paranoid and pissed off, and this marriage fucking sucks, but its kind of working, Amazon, so ill just do like Claire Underwood and wait it out, until he becomes President, and I see an opening, to maybe make myself President, when he gets voted off by the board, as CEO because of his dick picks the national enquire has, when he took his support for open borders too seriously, and kept texting that big tittied, fat assed spanish slut, Lauren Sanchez pictures of his cock, and weird things about breathing her in, I mean I agree, I would take a sniff of her ass too, and now because of the divorce, as his wife, I am majority shareholder. And he is pissed. Because basically you didn’t do shit, I am the one who pushed Zoe Barnes into the subway, and made us acquire whole foods for great distribution locations zoned in perfectly placed upper class white surburban neighborhoods, but also shouldn’t have fucked with Trump using the Washington Post to pester and demean him and his wife constantly, and daily. The least you can do is put in a good word for me Kim. Get me out of jail early for only a simple drug offense from the civil rights era. Babe, Honey, Bring me back to Amazon like Steve jobs back to apple in a few years, or better yet protect me from Trump because I don’t think he is done fucking with me yet. They say on 4chan I am headed to Guantonomo Bay.  You know, now that your president, and CEO, can you also pardon me for using data to exploit millions of unsuspecting american citizens in the guise of shopping, into voting for Hillary. And she hangs up. Its her turn. Like Jalen Hurts said to Saban as heads to Auburn as a graduate transfer. Jeffs phone rings. Its Mariah Carey, she saw his name in the Billionaire transfer portal.  Jesus, shell charge me 20 million dollars just for phone sex. Babe, what are you doing? Wearing a fur coat while sitting in my tub full of water and rose petals. What? Anyways look — its a jungle out there. And shit is getting wild. Chrissy Teigen is talking about vaginal steaming on New Years Eve countdown. Carson Daily wants to tell her to shut the fuck up, but can’t. Leo Dicaprio use to have a group of friends called the Pussy Posse. Then he grew up and got into Josh Rosens climate change cleats. Now he is almost as famous as that chef who sprinkles salt on people’s New York Strips in instagram videos. I don’t know what is going to happen, but Harrison has got a real shot here. Real chance. At pissing a lot of people off, and for a lot of money. Because I can’t stop clicking, and watching him tell me to suck his dick, literally right to my face, in his videos. I guess he signed his dick up for Uber Eats? Look, people pay for clicks now, and to watch other people online, from their couches in their cages, I mean homes, and wait for North Korea to launch another fucking rocket. Harrison the Kim Jon Un of Quarterbacks. To start a twitter war.  Like a wild animal. Unleashed. From the shackles of the CI, NCAA. My scholarship now an algorythm.


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